Before I Attended University...

I believe that every person is born with talent, although some have the misfortune of possessing less than others.  Thankfully, I do not have that affliction.

            I have sailed the Seven Seas, swam the English Channel, and dove to the bottom of Marianas Trench.  Years ago, in my spare time, I climbed to the top of the highest mountain on earth and christened it Mount Everest.  On my way back down, I fashioned wings of tin foil and pipe cleaners to speed my return journey.

On Saturdays, I eat carrot sticks for lunch.  On Sundays, I build igloos for the homeless.  On Mondays, I reread all the books in the school library.

            I am strawberry blonde and ride a polar bear to school.  In my spare time, I train my pet beaver and prune my Maple tree.

            I never sleep.

            On Tuesdays, I drink tea with the Leprechaun as we discuss gold.  On Wednesdays, I watch the Lord of the Rings movies.  On Thursdays, I single-handedly win dodge ball tournaments against the greatest dodge ball players in the world.  I am the greatest dodge ball player in the world.

            Death fears me.

            I can bake chocolate chip cookies with my eyes closed.  On Fridays, I listen to the radio.  I have walked on water and invented sliced bread.
            I made a pot boil - by watching it!

            Michael Jordan emulates me.  Mr. Killick detests me.  Shania Twain adores me.

            I got my license.

            I shook hands with Martin Luther King Jr.  And wrote his speeches.

            I shook hands with J.K. Rowling.  And defeated Voldemort.

            My best friend is a wallaby.  I have jumped off the tower of the Eye of Sauron, and lived to later sprain my ankle whilst eating a lollipop.

            I paddled a boat up Niagara Falls.  I figured out how to stop Global Warming.  When I am bored, I run a hundred miles in my bare feet with the Tarahumara.  I invented sign language and tamed a shark, all while walking on a tightrope across the Grand Canyon.

            But I have yet to attend university.