Roller Coaster Adventure

            Have you ever been on a roller coaster?  The rise and fall of the tracks heaves your stomach contents back up, burning their way up until you suppress the feeling.  Have you ever swallowed lemon juice?  The overpowering tang consumes you, just as the dizziness devours you on a roller coaster.

            When little more than a tablespoon of lemon juice was poured into my polka dotted Dixie cup, I could already feel my stomach churning.  I was dreading taking my first sip of the repugnant liquid.

            As I reached for my sample of lemon juice, my fingers grasping the smooth, tiny cup, I peered at the fluid.  The off-white, cloudy yellow, reminded me of watery pina coladas.  I remembered splitting open fresh coconuts straight off their palm trees in Hawai’i and emptying them of their contents.  The coconut juice was cloudy and watery, resembling my lemon juice sample.

            I swirled my lemon juice around in its cup, prepping myself for the impending onslaught that my taste buds would have to endure in just a moment’s time.  I brought the cup to my nose, breathing in the odor of citrus.

            I dared a small sip, and my senses were immediately overrun.  The citrus made my eyes start to water; the sourness contorted my cheeks as my lips puckered.  I could feel a tear slither down my cheek as the war in my mouth persisted.

The lemon juice burned its way through my mouth, hitting every sensory receptor, like a bird hitting a just-polished window.

The sour did not dissipate.

I could almost hear the gears of the roller coaster grinding as I swish the juice around.  It chugs up the hill, gaining speed, ready to assault me again on the way down.  On the way down my throat.

I tried to swallow, but my gag reflex was nearly triggered.  I finally was able to force the lemon juice down my throat.  The liquid was a tiger kept in captivity too long; when it was finally released, it clawed its way around in rage.

I was in agony.

The lemon juice felt like Scar when he plotted to kill Mufasa and told Simba it was his fault when his father died.  The Scar-like lemon juice’s evil did not stop at my mouth, or even my throat, but continued all the way down into my stomach.

Like on the roller coaster, I could feel myself nearing the point of being ill as the juice tried to decide whether to come back up on its own accord or not.  Finally it chose to stay down.

The ride stopped and I rose out of my seat on the roller coaster as I rinsed my mouth out with cool water, ridding myself of the last remains of the repulsive lemon juice.

I was finally free.

Before I Attended University...

I believe that every person is born with talent, although some have the misfortune of possessing less than others.  Thankfully, I do not have that affliction.

            I have sailed the Seven Seas, swam the English Channel, and dove to the bottom of Marianas Trench.  Years ago, in my spare time, I climbed to the top of the highest mountain on earth and christened it Mount Everest.  On my way back down, I fashioned wings of tin foil and pipe cleaners to speed my return journey.

On Saturdays, I eat carrot sticks for lunch.  On Sundays, I build igloos for the homeless.  On Mondays, I reread all the books in the school library.

            I am strawberry blonde and ride a polar bear to school.  In my spare time, I train my pet beaver and prune my Maple tree.

            I never sleep.

            On Tuesdays, I drink tea with the Leprechaun as we discuss gold.  On Wednesdays, I watch the Lord of the Rings movies.  On Thursdays, I single-handedly win dodge ball tournaments against the greatest dodge ball players in the world.  I am the greatest dodge ball player in the world.

            Death fears me.

            I can bake chocolate chip cookies with my eyes closed.  On Fridays, I listen to the radio.  I have walked on water and invented sliced bread.
            I made a pot boil - by watching it!

            Michael Jordan emulates me.  Mr. Killick detests me.  Shania Twain adores me.

            I got my license.

            I shook hands with Martin Luther King Jr.  And wrote his speeches.

            I shook hands with J.K. Rowling.  And defeated Voldemort.

            My best friend is a wallaby.  I have jumped off the tower of the Eye of Sauron, and lived to later sprain my ankle whilst eating a lollipop.

            I paddled a boat up Niagara Falls.  I figured out how to stop Global Warming.  When I am bored, I run a hundred miles in my bare feet with the Tarahumara.  I invented sign language and tamed a shark, all while walking on a tightrope across the Grand Canyon.

            But I have yet to attend university.